If You Were My Lord, then…

Aug 072012

Pseudo-Discipleship

It seems as if I sit at my desk and do my daily work—live my whole life—in pseudo-faith, enjoying the warmth and good news of the scriptures, but treating them as if they were little more than fairy tales for all the real changes they produce in me. I can categorize and tabulate and cross reference the stories pretty well. I read them, smile, and get to work the best I can. Comforting enough when all is well. But You, Father, never leave “well enough” alone.
Sad

Thankfully, Your love for me and your determination to do me good (which I am coming to trust more and more), leads me into storms and deserts as well as streams and green pastures. You try my faith and You give me rest. It’s simply what it takes to help me shake off this pseudo-discipleship, to go on, to open more, to feel safe exposed in Your light.

So, time and again you set me up (through trial or through calm) to peel another layer, and eventually we sit together, and I listen for your voice with that heightened “everything’s on the table” awareness. You ask me to consider the question, “If I were your Lord…?” *clearing throat* Let’s see, if you were my Lord, then my days would be characterized by:

Seeking to hear from you when I arise (contemplation, quietness, bible reading, prayer). Too often I am checking off a discipleship step or being too busy to bother.
Doing things I think you want me to do, while being open to your redirection as I go along (as Al recently shared about Abraham recognizing the ram in the thicket as Your provision and not the Devil’s temptation to disobey).
Not doing things I want to do that I know you don’t like. Not with gritted teeth and rigid discipline, but as one who cares about You, knowing how much You care about me.
Listening for your voice (whispered in thoughts, circumstances, things I observe in the day, in the voice of others, anywhere, really) all through the day, not just at my “appointed” time slot or when You pin me down.
Cutting off my frequent rebellions and bowing my heart to you sooner, each time I start to wrestle with being in control of my time, funds, to do lists, and all the normal things that are no longer my right.
Learning to respond to Your voice without asking why or requiring logical explanations and understanding. Why is a good question in the mouth of a two year old. Unseemly at 61.
Sharing with you my weaknesses and fears and needs. I know how dumb it is, but I try to tell You I’m OK all the time, “I can handle it,” I think to myself, knowing You are listening in.
Caring for those you care for (and who will not be among these? Well, I have quite a large list…).
Being always interruptable rather than hurrying through the day with busyness, closing my eyes, ears and heart against disruptions to my plans and schedules.
Not giving the need of anything to prevent me from doing your will. Not funds, not strength, not wisdom, not weakness.
Not giving authorities and powers greater authority and power than yours. Oh, let’s be honest. At times, I give complete strangers more power over me than You, caring how they perceive me and how I look in their eyes.
Not counting the things of this world worthy to be compared to your glory and honor. Not even politics. Not my rights. Not white chocolate, macadamia nut ice cream, even when they’re going two for the price of one. Yeah, I sell out cheap.
Often asking You, “how am I doing and what am I missing,” instead of informing You of Your shortcomings in these areas.
Rejoicing in your care, knowing I am safe in your arms and that you will never leave me. Incomprehensible that that doesn’t trump everything and anything. My greatest fear is to be left alone to myself forever. You’ve promised that will never happen. Still, I’m likely to stray and whine.
Thankfulness in everything, knowing you are in control and will use everything (in my life and in the world) for good. Instead of being afraid. Or angry.

You listen, smiling that “I love you” smile, as I work through my detailed and self-critical list. Finished! Pin drop silence. My confidence drops a notch. I was expecting a pat on the head and a, “Nice list, Art!”

This list, You whisper, has nothing to do with true discipleship. It can too easily become a task list that I can check-off and confirm my dutiful faithfulness while living in rebellion. You know me well. I should be embarrassed or upset, but I feel more peaceful. No list is good. Not getting an expected mean-faced look of disappointment with a stern talking to is even better. You are smiling, still. Not mad. Will I ever get this about You?
Ha Ha

Son, Friend, Servant, Slave

I look at You and realize you ARE my Lord. The question isn’t, “am I yours?” I am, whether I recognize that or not. The rich and varied relationship you offer overwhelms me.

I am all of these things, and there are times when each is the best way to think of myself and my relationship with You. I have cried, “Abba,” when in fear or pain, raised my arms, and You lifted me into Your lap, reassuring me. I have heard You direct me in Your plans, and known that I was Your friend. I have been obedient in something now and then, and felt the surge of Your presence and heard You saying, “Well done, My servant,” But for this moment I especially ask, “teach me about this slave thing,” because I am tired of being a slave to myself.

If there is some portion of becoming a good son/friend/servant/slave that depends on my willingness, I am willing for you to do whatever you must. I have so far found in my life the inability to be faithful and fruitful by the force of my own will. So, my Lord, I appeal to you to do for me what I cannot.

Love Leads

After this, I read through Phil 1. Very encouraged about the love of both God and men being an active agent in our guidance from Him, as well as Paul’s confidence in God to bring us through faithfully, saying things such as, “…he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ,” “my earnest expectation and my hope,” and his “having this confidence” in his own continuance in labors.

You answer the question You proposed so much more simply and comprehensively than my checklist. There is “faith that worketh by love;” there is “he that hath been forgiven much, loveth much.” And there is You, not standing over a slave with a whip, but bidding a slave to be embraced in the height and depth and breadth of Your love. I will have nothing left clutched in my heart to give others but love.

I am son, friend, servant and slave to One who loves me, and gave Himself for me. When I look at Him, it is true what the hymn said, “The light of this world grows strangely dim.” So does my obsession with myself. How I want to tell you about Him and His love for you…

The Good, The Bad, and then it gets Ugly

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Jun 262012

Building Whose Kingdom?

Just noticed a twitter post, “Whether D’s or R’s, how many in Congress want to do the right thing versus how many just want re-election & more power?” Some people are primarily out for themselves, and all principles and views they may hold serve under that over-arching rule: build my kingdom first.

Whichever approach to governing you prefer, some on both sides will just want re-election. But some on both sides will also want to do the right thing. So we have both D and R politicians with intentions to do good, yet coming in with highly divergent views. Honestly, I’m on one of those sides, and it is hard for me to understand the stupidity (did I say that aloud?) of the other sides’ approach. Christians are like this, too.

I’m an R. Would I vote for an ego-driven R over an honest intentioned D? I would, because I think the outcomes for government would, from an R’s perspective, move (alright, nudge) the country towards better policies. Would this also be true of Christians who approach things differently?

Building His Kingdom

But for Christians, not so fast. The self-advancing and the selfless on a wide variety of sides are still my brothers and sisters. We’re each accepted by Him, and so we accept one another. How would you relate to each of these four types of people?

My kind who are self-advancing
My kind who are selfless
Those with Other views and approaches than mine who are self-advancing
Those with Other views than mine who are selfless

Let’s look around and recognize our fellow saints and ignore the divisions and fences we’ve built. This divided house and multiple types of people on all sides of fences is the case in the cities and towns where we live..

I do think we accept each person as family, but I don’t think we could interact the same with each. Those of my own persuasion are more likely to be receptive. The personal kingdom builder on each side of the fence has a problem or series of problems they need to work through on a number of levels. Before we bother about their approach theologically, we need to be more concerned with their hearts being caught in a snare.

Those building His kingdom, on either side of the fence, you have to respect their walk. You might question their wisdom, but with the admonishment that we must be gentle, not strive, consider ourselves, esteem others better…

The Beat Goes On…

No easy answers, and it’s even messier in everyday life. But, let’s first determine if we are building His Kingdom or our own. Do you think of “My” church? Do you think of other churches as competitors? Do you help other Christians not from your church or denomination? Jesus advised us to remove the plank from our eyes first, and then we will be better able to help others.

How will we find unity, because we must love one another! Here is a resource where this conversation has been held at some length: http://www.alanknox.net/?s=division

I’m Suddenly a Millionaire!

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Jun 232012

I’m Suddenly a Millionaire

I took stock this morning. Taking my age into account (61), I estimated my total inventory and I was surprised to discover I have a bit less than five million at hand to invest (or, spend) in various ways. I’m overwhelmed at managing the responsibility God has given me.

It comes to about 4,730,000 minutes, assuming I reach the assigned 70 years. Some percentage of those precious minutes will go into “living expenses.” I suppose, if this were dollars, I could use a “financial planner” to advise me on how to spend and invest the rest to maximize my return and minimize taxes, provide future security, set aside some for kids, etc. So, how do I think about my millions when they are time? I suppose we could try a budget of sorts:

Budgeting by Line Item?

Here’s my estimated living expenses, the “fixed” expenses:

Sleeping: 1.3 million
Eating 256 thousand
Commuting 197,000

I suppose we could go on to itemize the “discretionary” spending, trying to designate a certain amount for recreation, fellowship, communing, working, serving. Making distinctions between things I do for me, or for God, or for my family, etc. But the fallacy in this approach is obvious.

…whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God

Budgeting our resources for investment doesn’t have to be constrained by zero-sum accounting (I Cor 10:31). Take eating, for example. I can eat, or abstain, “in honor of the Lord.” Or sleeping—my time sleeping can be to the glory of God. I can slip into sleep praying for others and I can awake to His voice and thoughts of Him. I can “commune with Him upon my bed” (Psa 4:4). I can go to sleep to have the strength to serve others the next day.

Of course, we can’t presume. I may have only another five minutes. If I absolutely knew I had only five minutes, I would go and hold my wife and tell her how much I love her. She would have my last five minutes. But, as it is, I think God wants me to invest the next five minutes or so thinking about where I will invest my treasure.

Relationship Between Our Heart and Our Treasure

I’ve heard it said that where you spend your money and time reveals what is most dear to your heart. But as I’m thinking about these things, Matt 6:19-21 comes to mind.

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Scripture has it the other way around. He is telling us to choose where we invest our time and money; to choose where we will build our treasure. He is appealing to our logic to make those choices. Then He points out that our heart will follow those choices, not precede them. We will become pre-occupied with our treasure, wherever we place it.

Paul had invested his time, all of his life’s work, in proclaiming the gospel. His treasure was fully invested in heaven, not here on earthly benefit, so that he would say, “by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. …If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable” (I Cor 15:10-22).

If it turned out there was no heaven, would you have completely wasted your life and time on this earth? I remember years ago a lady gave a testimony in a church we attended. She said that even if there wasn’t a heaven, her life on earth had been immensely improved by being a Christian. I know what she meant, I think. Most of us could say something similar. But I wonder if we should be able to say that? Have we not really learned to take up our cross, to die to our own dreams and hopes, to seek His will and not our own when it is harder, scarier, and poorer?

While we are to be content with food and raiment, most of us would not be content with such sparse provision. No home? No retirement? No newer/second car? No steady income? Most of us need these and more to be content. Myself included. I’m uneasy with only food and raiment (which I’ve had for the past 12 years, although not the other things I mentioned). But enduring less than we want isn’t the same as investing our lives with God.

“Choose, Art, whether you invest in earth or in heaven, and your heart will follow. Choose, not by default. Choose wisely to deny myself for the sake of the gospel.” These things I say to my own heart in the quiet. I embrace them there. Then, the world gets noisy and boisterous, and it is easy to slip back. How is it for you?

We Are Not Poor

My favorite Christmas Song is “Little Drummer Boy.” Here are the lyrics; draw your own conclusions.

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That’s fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

My conclusion? Yeah I know Christmas is a pagan holiday. But this is good theology: Come because we are bidden. Give Him both our poverty and our riches, our present and our future, our reputation and our standing. Play our little drum for Him; play our best for Him. He will smile at us. Is there more than this in all the universe?

Message in a Bottle

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Jun 212012

Are we the Message?

In trying to get to the heart of the mission of the church, including expanding that understanding to encompass even His work through the OT peoples and the nation of Israel, it seemed to me the mission is “to be the message” about God. His people are themselves the embodied message, a living demonstration and example. Interestingly, the old English in the KJV calls our life/walk a “conversation.” So, how are we the message? As Vessels, we do more than merely contain the message.

How We Live Matters

What comes to mind when you think of evangelism and missional ministry? Some of us think of programs, tools, outreaches, service opportunities, etc. Those can be helpful. But God’s basic building block uses each one of us as a living metaphor to show the world who He is. His love. His mercy. His patience, kindness.

God writes on the fleshy tablets of the hearts of His people, to be known and read of all men. Each saint is themselves, as well as all of us collectively are, the living message of a God of grace, a God of love, a God of mercy. We represent the hope of every human: redeemed, unworthy sinners finding acceptance and forgiveness, people with nothing but shame tearing their hearts apart, being made whole and given His righteousness, though yet enfeebled in this flesh.

Unity Matters

The apologetic of the age is our unity and love. At least, it is so far as Jesus intimates in His prayer in Jn 17: “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one (1), Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us (2) so that the world may believe that you have sent me (3).” (vs 20, 21).

Unity related to “ALL of them.”
Abiding in the Vine–His life evident through us
These two things are combined the apologetic of our age

Paul’s Example

In II Corinthians, where Paul is so intimate in personal disclosure, a theme is evident in answering the question about means for ministry in this world and among each other, epitomized by the word “manifest.” The KJV gives “made manifest” “manifestation” and “manifestly declared.” The seven verses are:

Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place (II Cor 2:14)

Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart. (II Cor 3:3)

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. (II Cor 4:2)

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. (II Cor 4:10)

For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. (II Cor 4:11)

Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are *made manifest* in your consciences. (II Cor 5:11)

But though I be rude in speech, yet not in knowledge; but we have been throughly made manifest among you in all things. (II Cor 11:6)

Manifestation?

Rummaging around in Greek sources, Vine’s has it, “uncover, lay bare, reveal;” Strong’s has it, “to render apparent;” Green’s interlinear, “revealing, revelation, revealed, become known.” But most interesting was an insight from the TDNT: “what can be perceived by the senses, but in such a way that the perception involves understanding.”

So, we are the message. To saint and sinner alike.

But let us not walk past this: it is God doing this. Go back and read those seven passage and see His hand- God causes us to triumph in Christ; the Spirit of the living God writes in hearts; commending ourselves in the sight of God; that the life of Jesus might be made manifest in us; we trust your consciences are seeing/hearing the message we are; we have been made manifest- none of this is from us, but through Him. Lives irresistibly spilling forth Jesus Christ.

This isn’t something we can determine we will do, it isn’t even something we can do. But He is calling us. Sending us, as His Father sent Him. His calling is our strength, for in it we have hope He is afoot and at work. No wonder, as we consider these things, we feel compelled to be answering “Here am I…” May many of us answer , having a desire for Him well up in our hearts that overpowers and overwhelms every other care.

The Thessalonian Example I Thess 1:5-10

You paid careful attention to the way we lived among you, and determined to live that way yourselves. In imitating us, you imitated the Master. Although great trouble accompanied the Word, you were able to take great joy from the Holy Spirit!—taking the trouble with the joy, the joy with the trouble.

Do you know that all over the provinces of both Macedonia and Achaia believers look up to you? The word has gotten around. Your lives are echoing the Master’s Word, not only in the provinces but all over the place. The news of your faith in God is out. We don’t even have to say anything anymore—you’re the message! People come up and tell us how you received us with open arms, how you deserted the dead idols of your old life so you could embrace and serve God, the true God. They marvel at how expectantly you await the arrival of his Son, whom he raised from the dead—Jesus, who rescued us from certain doom.

First Love Driven

We can be transparent, safe in grace, secure in His love. We can find humility, knowing our redemption from such great sin was a gift. We can have such simple faith that we are not moved by trial of fire. We can know His joy so deeply that the world has no bait for us. Let us be engulfed in His love such that it pours from our voices, from our touch, from our eyes. Holiness matters. Prayer matters. But only as they are driven in us by our first love.

I read today that a mother is a man’s first kiss, first friend, first love. Have we been birthed again? Let us recall, how ever many years ago, our first love for Him that overshadowed everything else in our lives. What we are in secret, what we are in the dark night, what we are in the bright day—these are all the same to one living in His presence, to one aglow with Him. Though we are yet struggling against self and sin and the world and trials, these very struggles define us, they are our training ground, our knowledge and wisdom. Nothing touches us but what is filtered through God with the intent for our good, to be conformed to the image of His Son. Even Jesus learned obedience by the things He suffered. Christ Himself must be able to shine out of our lives.

So when we think of tools, and training, and methods, let us consider that God seems to value most is that which “can be perceived by the senses, but in such a way that the perception involves understanding” by very lives!

Traffic Jam on the Road Less Traveled

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May 272012

Trail Blazing?

Lonely Road So, off I go down a path overgrown from lack of use. In minutes the din of the crowded highway of society slips into a distant bustling. Alone. The path has almost disappeared and I worry I may lose my way. My wife, who has followed me wherever I’ve gone, sometimes a few steps ahead, sometimes a few steps back, is giving me that look. The one that asks trustingly, “Which way now?” She doesn’t know my stomach has butterflies. She thinks I know.

What started as a brisk march has slowed to an unsure step. I stop and look behind us. The highway is gone from view. We’re out there. Where I’ve wanted to venture, but wasn’t sure of the way, and the highway was full of conveniences. And PEOPLE. It was safe. Brightly lit.

With the silence, apart from the rustling of the trees in the wind, it’s kind of scary. But I’m not turning back. Not this time. With wide eyes and probing ears, I shuffle forward. Deb smiles and walks beside me. She knows I have butterflies, but she loves me anyway and says nothing.

The Community Apart

Then, we round a corner… and there is Jesus. And a huge crowd of busy people camped out for the evening. “What in the …?” I think, but no voice comes out. He looks up smiling and says, “Come on and join us.” My mouth just drops open, and I take a few numb steps forward. Deb smiles at me with a certain exhilaration. She never doubted me, and she’s proud I got us here. In her smile I think, “Yeah, I did it!” We both know better, but we’re so happy. Several others look up and smile, and wave us over.

There are fires with food on, children running and playing. It’s like a whole village, albeit temporary, being always on the move.

I check my Ranger’s guide. Oh. My joy turns to wry amusement as Deb and I read the section that points out I’m not blazing a new trail for God. I’m joining Him in what He is already doing, in what He has been doing for centuries. Deb smiles everything at me, and in her smile is Him, simply loving me, not as I imagine, evaluating me. There are others following Him in His work. I relax. He knows where we are going. He knows what work needs done. And He ain’t got no stinking butterflies in His stomach! Nor do I any longer.

Thinking back to other times we’ve left the highway, its always been the same. At Rudyard, at Kadena, at Oscoda, in West Seneca, in Raleigh. So many couples we’ve known; such good memories; so many lives intertwined warmly, laboring together for a time, and then the paths diverge. We’re flung all over the world. We stay with one of the little groups on the narrow path, or we join back in on the highway for awhile. Until He calls again—until, I should say, we hear Him calling again, who never stops calling, and off we go. Whether I or Debbie hears His voice first, in a few days we hear Him together. For over forty years now, He has always worked that way in us.

Is This Not the Christ?

Tonight, we rest, full; our hunger eased to be with Him and one of His bands again. Tomorrow, there’s work to do. I feel His strength coursing through my arms already. Debbie is glowing, like she so often does, reflecting Him. If only I could be that for her. God knows how she burns in my chest and I love her. She, my rainbow, my promise from God. I was never alone. I am never alone. I will never be alone. He told me once, and has whispered it often, “Him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out.” John 6:37

Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?

Where to Start?

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May 252012

Why “Waging” Love?

Partly because I love hotdogs on the grill. We use love quite loosely in our culture. With a divorce rate of 50% in 2009 (according to the CDC), we even hold marriage, with our notions of romantic love as its foundation, quite loosely.

Waging has sort of a militaristic theme. In the 60′s, a young, new generation who opposed the war in Vietnam—and advocated free love—rallied around the theme, “Make Love, Not War.” Today, we have waged three wars over more years than WWII. Being part of that 60′s generation that admitted, “We all Want a Revolution,” and considering the culture and generation today, “Waging Love” is an attempt to speak of an alternate type of “love.” Rather than the feeling of love that makes me feel good, to advance the act of loving that does good to others and which often comes at a cost to me. Soldiers know they are facing sacrifices. On the battlefield they will endure all sorts of hardships: from lack of food to lack of sleep, all the way to possible loss of limb or life. War costs, and we all recognize that. Waging Love calls us to that sort of love, love that costs, love that is willing to lay down our rights, even, our own lives, for others.

Ordinary, Every Day Living

I don’t mean to imply that waging love is some extraordinary, rarely in a lifetime sort of thing. Waging love occurs in the smallest exchanges and interactions. Rather than the massive, coordinated attack of a D-Day invasion, we’re talking about micro-exchanges between just two people. Everyday. Everywhere. With everyone.

Love that is more than mere kindness, more than politeness. Love that doesn’t measure “what’s in it for me?” but measures, “How would I, in their place at this moment, want to be treated.” Then simply does so. It puts the other person first, without fanfare, without expecting notice or thanks.

Have you ever watched a mom (or a grandmother) eat a meal with a child? Frequently, her own food is largely ignored and grows cold, while she tends to her child’s needs. Simple. Unglamorous. Sacrificial. Gladly given.

Low-Cost Practice

For some of us, our roads actually provide helpful training grounds for our own internal , almost unconscious reactions. Drivers:

Cut you off (hey Buddy, you can’t do that to ME!)
Drive too slowly in the fast lane (Get out of the way, I’m in a hurry)
Sit at a red light as seconds tick away after the light turns green (What are they doing?)

What if you took these as opportunities to set aside your pride. To let it pass, remaining calm. There is an ancient, middle eastern proverb that says, “It’s wise to be patient and show what you are like by forgiving others.” It may be that the other driver is distracted, perhaps running home to a sick child, distracted at the recent death of a sister or the looming loss of a job. You might also imagine them as rude, self-centered, even mean. We are to love all people, even our enemies.

People often expect us to react in anger. They are prepared for an outburst. But they are disarmed by a gracious non-reaction. And, if you can add kindness or understanding, without taking a cheap shot (rolling your eyes, smirking, shaking your head in disapproval), you will more often than you think find someone open up to you, and reveal a personal struggle they are facing.

People have very few non-judgmental people in their lives. We hunger for understanding and acceptance. So rare is such a person, that we pay professional counselors and coaches to listen without judging. This selfless openness to others may have been the big draw to Jesus of Nazareth for so many “sinners” and outcasts who were at fault in the eyes of the society around them.

It’s wise to be patient and show what you are like by forgiving others.